She is the best from my roster of exes. Apart from the fact that she is a rare search, I can never emphasize the feeling that I won't find another like her. We got along because we didn't like the same things. That way, opposites attract gave me a practical lesson. She is the one of the girls who got my idea of the perfect wave. Most of the time, when I feel horny, I think about our intimate times. LOL. I'm kidding.
She's the only girl who can be with me when I'm messed up from a game, all sweaty, when I'm on a bad call, when my mood swings from one peak to the other, when I'm on my happier times, or even when I'm on my lowest. She is the middle C of my piano, for all notes which came after or before her sounded: too low, for they can't get the kick that I'm trying to sustain; too high, for they overdo things, making me feel asphyxiated.
A couple of them did things above her standard. As it may sound as wrong judgment to let them go, I saw myself looking for an open space, for air. Having a surplus of care intimidates me. I need it only on the specific time and moment. To me, there was a right combination of worrying, caring, leaving-alone and timing, and this particular girl got it right on the spot.
I think, even if I say that I've moved on, I still have this longing deep down, something which needs to be nourished but I've intentionally kept starving for there is no way of bringing things back. Like a lost cause.
Now that I'm single, I can't help but think about what-ifs. What if I try to communicate with her again? What if she gives me another chance? What if she was waiting for me all along but my ego was so big that I didn't want to talk to the girl who broke my heart? What if this time, we'd do better?
Or what if I'm just making these all up just because I want a companion?
4 comments:
Love the piano metaphor. :)
As the cliche goes (at least for me), your exes will always occupy a part of your heart.
As for my advice, you just get her back when you're already free of doubts, besides, like what someone said, love and doubt are never on speaking terms.
Hope you make the right choice. :)
@charles:
I intently made those as rhetorical questions. Interpreting it as a checklist to be implemented will more likely be of huge effort, so I got to make a choice before acting this scheme out.
Thanks for dropping by.
Well, exes do have a way with our hearts, whether we are in speaking terms with them or not.
And yes, I have to agree with your last statement. And that while we want companionship, we also crave control and certainty. Thus, ex-pining is a favorite sport of most single people.
@Neokiro:
Ex pining, a sport? More like a game. =)
Well, unlike your way of thinking, I do not seek control, I'm always under the impression that I'm modulating control in varying degrees to suit my needs.
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