Of Trials

The past weeks have been rough for me and for our family. Without me in the house, the are things that I've missed in the circulation. These things bother me on a large scale. Expletives may do, but I need an outlet. Let this blog be.

Two weeks ago, I suffered a great cut on resources. The money that I received from my last scholarship was already depleted. The relationship that I have with my mom in financial terms is somewhat mature and were mutual to that. What I'm trying to say is that when I have money, it is my money and I continually receive something from her, me being on an unemployed state. She is neither employed. She told me that my dad hasn't been calling her and sending money for more than a couple of months now. II don't know which is worse: the fact that my father doesn't call us or the fact that his remittance is our family's only financial source at the moment.

Bills unpaid, gas out, no food. My mom may still have the contacts of her clients but her not having an office gave them trust issues. She and her business partner are brewing something, I don't know, I hope they finally achieve their plan. Since my mom and I have the mutual understanding on things, we divide the present amount that we have and we both do our best to extend the budget.

Good thing. I've loaned some amount to several people. From 1 grand a week, I was down to 500, which, I need to divide for six days including the transpo allowance when going to the dormitory from our house (and back). Five hundred alone is not enough, honestly. My classmates were at least able to relieve me of this financial pressure due to their repayments.

Apart from the week's allowance, I also have to allot something for the processing of papers for the board exam. There is some 2K-ish that I still need to gather and I pray, with God's grace, that this amount will be settled in no time, since the deadline for submission of the papers is about to end.

Next, it is kind of depressing to see my sister, the one after me, give me so much time to her boyfriend. She's skipping church activities because she visits the guy's parent in Laguna on weekends. Weekends, I'm home and I don't see her. I kind of miss having our family together despite these trials. Tough times, really. Makes me feel that there is some gaping hole somewhere..

**edit: Sister's not getting back anymore. She married that effin guy because she's pregnant. The hell. Added to my problems.. But my mom's discretion on it makes me accept it, since there is nothing more we can do about it.**

There are newly formed esteem issues introduced by the review sessions. Most of the time, I already feel that I'm not doing well enough, so I tend to slouch. This may be good because it should make me strive harder but the percentages are far apart. The issues must be set aside because the boards are nearing (roughly a month left). I wish that I'd be drugged with adrenaline.

Last: friendship issues. Some of my friends understand that the reason why I'm not very active over leisure walks is because I'm trying to focus on the review. Some are acting up, others even think I've totally forgotten them. I can't believe them. I don't want to lose the relationships but I also want to rid of complications. When I pray at night, I always ask for understanding to dawn on theses people. I always wish for everyone's wellness because on either side of the road, I'll get hurt and it will be my burden. It will hinder my success.

So I momentarily take a leave. I hope people would understand. I hope trails will be patched. I wish to put an end to differences and bad vibes. Goodbye, dark aura!

Chaos, Chaos

A vertiginous incident is happening in front of me. Envelopes of different sizes are flying in all directions. Everything written on one of them looked similar to the others. By a quick note from my peripheral vision, the scribbles somehow resembled my name, just my name. Curiosity led me to catching any.

The envelope contained nothing but a smaller envelope inside. It was a puzzling scene. The whirring grew deeper, as if we were moving onto an enclosed bottle or space.

Rain started pouring. I stopped by a wall. Cough cough cough. I spit phlegm and blood. Whatever I was stepping on was absorbing the water, the vile mixture from my mouth, and the vigor. It suddenly felt dryly cold, empty. The presence of too much water, paper and wind seemed to equate to nothingness. There was nothing else to feel but chaos.

I tried to get away, but the echo of all the movement suggested an impossibility. I was stuck. I've always been in this predicament. I never learned to forego of the things that must be forgotten.

I never learned to forego of the things that must be forgotten...

Somewhere, a grandfather clock is alarming. I kept moving on, as if it would change the fact that I'm trapped in my own maze. Letters started appearing in midair, taking the form of colorful gasses without containers, in different styles and sizes. The wind would blow and it would jumble them letters to form words.

I stepped back, and the words became numbers. There were sharp-ended Ones and sickle shaped Sixes and Nines. I tried to run, and the figure chased me! I had nowhere to go, and they went inside of me.

I became invincible. All those things, there will be nothing I can't solve. Chaos on chaos gave me a break, an answer to my puzzling queries. I emerge from this maze a victor.

Bragging Right: Yearend Special

The year 2011 was a very great year for my professional life, but it doesn't do the same on my personal side of things. Achievements, recognition, the chance to prove my worth, all of those have happened in this year. In a nutshell, let me crack the few things that have taken over my life.

(However, the new layout first. Yes, I've reverted to simplicity because I have a new layout which was on the workings for quite sometime now. Wahaha. Nothing very grand though, just a simpler version which is personalized.)

Let us start with my professional path. On our Project Study, I worked as the Software Engineer which ratified my abilities on employing the programming language to create a firmware for our Hockey-playing robot. Yes, I was the one assigned to control the machine using a special program that I myself have devised. To me it is just cool, because I was finally recognized to do well on that department, not that I brag. I was the only one on the group who got 1.00 and 1.25 grades on the two subjects which are needed to perform the Software Engineer task.

Together with another classmate, I  was able to design a Microwave Communications Link from Manila to Bulacan to Pampanga. You could only imagine how we computed for the atmospheric losses, the antenna gain, free space loss, and other stuff. We had sleepless nights trying to reconcile and maximize the antenna/design limitations to get a recognizable signal on the other end. Yeah, truly geeky.

February-ish, I was able to attend different seminars and lectures about Digital TV and the likes. This is very interesting because this is on trend. I also went to different companies to look at their methods of carrying over different Electronics-related stuff like Geosynchronous Satellite Control and Television Broadcasting. I felt nearer to my calling.

I became a scholar, just again. I guess, you get this gift when you really love what you study.

Since I had less units on my last semester, I was able to work with different Electronics Engineers on my spare time. I also received special requests to automate other people's houses. Imagine, I'm assembling door access controls all by myself! I was also tasked to do something about a turning on/off light system using a Bluetooth device (cellphone). These little technologies I still owe to the experience that I had as a Software Engineer.

Before leaving the University, I checked my grades back, and whoo. I'm a scholar, just again. But it would be worthless since I'm already graduating but the fact that my grades once again reached the line of recognition is none but a bonus. I graduated though without any Latin Honor because previously, I have screwed on the minor subjects which affected my GWA (Grade Weighted Average) big-time. However, I'm still very proud of myself. I graduated an Engineering course without failing a subject. They say its unusual, while not getting an Honor.

After graduating, I flew to a certain review center. Choosing the center is critical to the board examination, I believe. When I first had the exam, oh boy, those were the weirdest sets of questions that I have ever encountered. Well, that is the exact reason why there is a review center, to prepare us for battle against these weird questions. After the Diagnostic Exam and the First Evaluation Exam, out of 120 students from mixed schools, I was able to get Top 5 and Top 6 for the exams, respectively. Ang hirap kalabanin ng mga taga-UP! I hope that with my continuing study habits, one day, I'll get them off the top spots. Bwahaha.

That caps my professional road for 2011. It was pressure filled. Having reached the conclusions of these things which were positive, I cannot help but feel for myself that I'm doing a good job. I'm very confident that in the days, weeks, and months to come, there can be no other impediment to my success, because I always hold on to the Greater Being who has been my constant source of help and strength.

I would also want to make this an avenue to thanking the people who have been with me through all these challenges, the sad and happy times. Without having you guys around, I could have not survived. I can never stress the joy that I have found in meeting new people and sharing different experiences with them.

As I leave 2011, I'm geared to face tougher things ahead, things which might be the firsts of its kind, but I will always be optimistic in fighting off these tests. For I know that on the battle, I'm always on the winning side, for He is with me.

To God be the Glory! Without Him, Engineer Josh is nothing. Happy New Year folks!

Graduation Day

Finally!

After five years and six months of academic perseverance, I've finally received the proof of my labor on the special day, December 8, 2011. It was the commencement exercises for the 13th batch of midyear graduates from the University of the East (Manila and Caloocan Campuses) held at the Plenary Hall of the Philippine International Convention Center.

This marks a milestone in my personal achievements and as this blog stands to document an engineering student's what-it-takes and how-it-makes. The commencement will take this particular development into my archives that contain the significant events which makes me a step closer to the license that I've been rooting for.

By far, the graduation that we had was the most ceremonious the University has ever had. From the baccalaureate services to the graduation day, everything was grand. For a moment, I felt that the university somehow cared for me apart from the fact that the dean in our college had his negative notes on the ECE Department, from the professors to the students. At the stage, we were forced to receive the diploma from him and pretend that we were okay. If he only knew the department's sentiments...

Albeit the long ceremony, it was still very rewarding to have your name called on the stage, for you to walk like a model on the runway and feel proud that your family is just on one section of the Hall, cheering at you, maybe feeling as happy to see you finally conquering college. I'm even prouder of myself because I was not just a graduate, but I'm a graduate of one of the toughest courses to be invented. I can tell my parents that whatever trials and shortcomings that we've altogether had in my whole college life, THAT day proved that All Is Well That Ends Well.

Sentiments may have been thrown around, naturally. That will be the last day I'll be called a student, me and my classmates will be together as a section, and maybe the last time we'll see each other for a long time. I just hope, that the next time we have a gathering, it will be the Oath Taking as a professional, as a licensed Electronics Engineer.

With all these said, I give Him all the glory, for without Him, I am nothing.

A Holiday Snip

Since today is a holiday, I'd like to snip in something just to break the momentum on reviewing too much. I'd also like to make kwento about the things that I've already finished prior to graduation, and here is a rundown.

1. The last day was technically around the last week of October.
2. After the Exit Interview, days after (around November 8) I had the photo shoot for the Graduation picture and the creative shots.
3. I furnished everything which had something to do with my grades, also things needed for my name to appear on the list of the candidates for graduation.
4. November 14: Start of the Review orientation.
5. November 16 and 18: Diagnostic Exams. Here, we were evaluated of the totality of what knowledge we accumulated in college.
6. Monday, we had the fitting for the graduation dress with the hood and the cap.
7. The official review stared Tuesday after the Diagnostic exams, this is when I learned that I luckily got the 5th top spot out of the more than 100 reviewees.
8. Thursday, after the review classes, I headed straight to the Mall of Asia to meet up with bloggers (the Leah Sayomac (ate Leah), Ate Madz, Sendo, Jeff (poipagong), the Bino Bautista, Kikilabotz the Blogger and Ms.Yvette. Okay. It was a fun meet up and I did enjoy, big time.
9. Monday, moved out of our house in Pasig to the apartment that we rented for the review located around España.
10. Filled out the form for the yearbook today.

AND, next week, December 8, is my graduation day! Yehey. After more than five years of studying (hard, lol), I'm finally setting foot to PICC and this time I'm wearing a black toga with an orange hood around my neck. Definitely another proud moment. I hope that good vibes will continue to ooze like creamy chocolate so everybody'd be happy.

But before I forget, I need to study, again, for the first evaluation exam which will be done next week, Tuesday and Wednesday. The best of luck!